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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Wednesday, December 23, 1981 - a Christmas party + a rude entry

Simone and I went to visit Bob and Nancie last night. Christmas season type of visit. A number of other couples were there or stopped by. I learned about a new social phenomenon, slam dancing. Its held Thursday and Friday nights at the Paradise club. Its a place for punk rock bands. Spectators pay admission to watch it. Its mostly young males, maybe 20-25. They seem to be lower/working class people. They dress in punk types costumes. A heavy bass beat is important to the dancing. Someone describes it as very primitive. They start out moving together and working themselves into an alcohol/drug stupor. Then the slamming begins. They slam and crash into each other. People are not allowed to hit with fists or break furniture. Several people may be sent to the hospital during a night. They have bouncers to throw the rowdier ones out. Its been going on for about two years here in the Boston area. Nobody seemed to know if it goes on anywhere else. It takes people with lots of aggression and hatred. They seem to get a lot of pleasure out of hurting others. The watchers, like the person who described it, are afraid to get involved themselves, but are fascinated and hypnotized by it. Peter, who lives with Nancie and Bob, described all this to me. The owner of the club, Jack, gave him a free lifetime pass to slam dancing parties.

Simone was like a wallflower. She stayed back from things, didn't talk much. Later she told me I was right about her behavior. There was something going on. She has told Nancie, at least, about her decision to leave me. And here we show up together. She reversed her position and was feeling anxious about what people might think of her. She was also a bit intimidated by the people. They tend to be either rich or well connected people, relative to her. She's the same way around her aunt Gloria, who married into a wealthy situation.

Something I noticed was the very low level, superficial interactions people had. Mine were not so active either. We were in a very beautiful, expensive apartment with people who have done very well in the outside world. But the world inside the door of the place was very dry, stale, dull, limited, un-energetic, and boring. From time to time I had the urge to try and start something more active. But I was held back by my own anxieties about being thought a fool, pushy, or out of it. I wanted, and probably everyone else, to make things more interesting, a little more alive, but at the same time there was an unspoken, but mutual agreement, a common desire on the other hand, to keep things light and superficial. It is what could be called the new social pressure. As though people feel they can talk about deeper things, but since we can its not necessary. Or maybe its just me being a little drunk from the rum and eggnog.

Ken called just before we left for Nancie's. He realizes he's in love with her and wants a relationship but doesn't know what it will look like. He goes on for some time about getting her a Christmas present. Its a special present for a very special person, and had to be just perfect for that person. A perfect reflection of that person's personality. Nothing about when they will see each other. I suspect this may be a function of when my next date will be with someone other than Simone. She is probably anxious right now about proposing something for fear of me doing something in return, or seeing this as her saying its ok for me to do something. She's told me not to have anyone sleep here with me. But hasn't gone so far as to say I stop it completely. This is what she wants. Its not what she wants for herself.

Simone tells me more about Edwin's being a drunken fool with her. In this new version we have her naked from the waist up. Last time she was in her bedroom with just a slip on, and Jack was not there. This time she is fondling with Jack and Edwin comes in and lecherously asks about what's going on here. Jack gets pissed and goes upstairs. Edwin climbs on her, fondles her crotch and starts kissing her. She both protests and accepts it at the same time. Edwin has never acted like that around me before, she says incredulously. But also with an element of having enjoyed it, in her voice. Ruth Kaplan, formerly Captain Kaplan, United States Air Force, has asked Simone to have an affair with her. And she's man enough to be able to do it.

This morning, about 8am, Simone jumps in response to the door being opened. Its Jack. He's come early to see if she's sleeping with me. She's out of bed like a shot. No clothes. Mumbles an excuse about having to go to the bathroom, and tries to make it look like that's what she was doing. They go out for breakfast. Last night I imagined that he might be wanting to give her a wedding ring. I wonder how big the ring will be, I say to Simone. What ring, she asks. The wedding ring, I respond. She doesn't think that's what he wants to say. Its about her sleeping with me and about his being celibate. He says I don't understand his wanting to be this way. He's going to visit Jean Varda in New Mexico. He called earlier this evening to say he'd missed his plane. Last weekend he got Simone to the train station too late. He has troubles organizing this part of his life. Something about how he thinks Joe is manipulating both her and Linda in the maelstrom on Amory Street. Something to do with using them sexually. His latest idea is for Edwin to move downstairs to this apartment, and then for Simone to move upstairs with him. He kicks out his father, Edwin, and gets his mother, Simone to come to him. He's benefiting the two least powerful people here. He and Simone don't have the same equity in the apartments as Edwin, Dana, or me. He would be reducing Edwin to his position and, by taking Simone, put me in another aspect of his present situation. Not even Simone will fall for this one though. It is very unlikely to happen.

This thing has happened with Simone. I tell her about a proposed date with Ann. She immediately responds with her plan to maybe do something with Ken tonight. She's afraid to really tell me what she's planning. Always she thinks this kind of situation will cause me to retaliate. But its never happened. She tells me he thinks her crotch smells like seashells. It smells like she needs a bath to me.

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