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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Monday, December 21, 1981 - spontaneous comedy

Simone and I were in the bathroom this evening. She's on the toilet. I'm brushing my teeth. She pulls me over, takes down my pants, and sucks on my prick. I get a hairbrush and start brushing her hair. With one foot I begin to kick the garbage can. She twirls the toilet paper roll, the wrong way at first. The paper gets on the floor. She twirls it the other way. It becomes quite amusing. Others in the next room have no idea this is going on. We titillate them with the idea of something have going on, but only let them guess. I promise to tell everyone later, when the guys leave.

Judy came home from the hospital today. She went in early this morning to have an ovarian cyst removed. I went to a local flower shop and sent her some. Also a card, with a poem. A get well soon card.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Even if you still won't,
I'll always love you!


p.s. - get well soon so that I can get back to trying.

Linda is overpowered with feelings of jealousy the last two days. Saturday night I stayed here with Ann. She wanted me to change my plans and stay with her. I would have done it if necessary. But she was only trying to blackmail me. It was done by saying she wouldn't be as amorous the next night, Sunday night, when we had a date. She keeps trying, but I won't do it. Half an hour later, another caller. Anonymous. I say hello and get no response. Two hellos later I get some kissing and lip smacking. A 20 minute conversation of lip, tongue, cheeks, and other facial parts talking. I tend to the orgasmic sounds. The caller to fresher and more playful sounds. It seems like Linda. She denies it the next day. Then its over. She hangs up. It seemed female, and local. Two minutes later another call but its a hangup.

I show Joe and Edwin my postcard from Teri. The note says: From a fantasy in your 81 chronicles, may the new year bring fulfillment. The other side is a naked lady, from behind, bending over, and looking back at the photographer. It was taken about 1925. Edwin thinks it was either a conscious or unconscious message to me. He thinks she wants to get in my pants. Joe thinks the same.

Sunday night phone call from Simone. Another fight. An escalating series of threats and counter threats. But an interesting thing happens. My threat to talk with Michael and Constance about his being here with her leads to the confession that he was not here at all. She lied. It was to make her feel better. I have seen this happen to her before. We argue. We threaten. I vow to do something. It causes her to recant part of, or some story she's told me. It seems to happen with something every time we get into this kind of fight. She was with her parents in New Haven. Something has caused them to start talking about sex and to tell dirty jokes. All this while Daniel is there. Her father talks about gang banging native women in the Amazon during World War II. He was an air traffic controller for some secret project. Again in front of Daniel. She says they have never done anything like this. She has an argument with her mother about love and getting married during which her mother walks out on her. She wants Simone to get married. Why not Jack, she says, he's so considerate and polite, she tells Simone. Simone confronts her about not being in love with Martin and having married him only for the security. That's when she walks out. A bit rough on her mother, but it will keep her from pushing. Another incident where her mother pulls her dress up and starts dancing around in the living room. Daniel is standing right near her. Simone is shocked by this as she's never seen such a thing from her mother. Why did you do that, she asks incredulously, and with Daniel watching. She claims to have felt like it, and Daniel didn't see anything, right Daniel? All very peculiar. But I am wondering what she's been telling them about the situation with me. Obviously something as Simone constantly relates little things from her mother about how Michael was not so bad after all, why not marry Jack, why not meet this nice lawyer I know, and so on. But she says almost nothing about what she's told them. She got in an odd situation trying to tell her the truth. Her mother suggested we date other people. She went no further than saying that we were already doing this. But I just don't know. I've tried to get something out of her but meet only resistance. Something is causing this behavior in them. And its nothing like I've ever seen from them.

All the old problems are still here with us. They have been temporarily put aside. She wants no other women here in the house. She doesn't want them in my bed, at all, ever. She means to say she doesn't want me to have anything to do with them at all. But she stops before this comes out. I know its there. She has been covering it with a thin layer of cordiality and superficial acceptance. But she lets her hatred get the better of her. So, its a question as to what we will do. I will certainly not give up my right to free association and developing relationships. She wants to control this part of my life to avoid the feelings it causes in her. She wants me to stop doing this. It will get boiled down to this or continue as a daily covert battle. I notice it more in her voice when someone calls for me. It is almost as though she has received bad news. She becomes a bit unglued. Her in charge facade slips a little. I find myself, internally at least, slipping into battle formation. A few practice fights during the day.

Dana has stayed away all weekend from being mad at me. He really puts me in control of the situation by this. He is a bit stuck waiting for me to do something. He keeps telling Simone that we need to talk about things. But he doesn't start anything with me on his own. He waits. I stay in control.

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