Click HERE to view the Premium Art Deadlines List.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Tuesday, December 8, 1981 - the dreams we are made of

Life here, with Simone's return, has returned to normal. Namely, the desperate, whining, sniveling, demanding, little kid who can never get enough of what she wants. After hearing more of her weekend with Jeff I am absolutely astounded and amazed that she would even consider living with him, or marriage. But it actually seems to be on her mind. This after seeing a woman who spent 17 years with an alcoholic, and has just married her second, and who is already covering her ass for divorce. For her, of course, this behavior seems like the perfectly ok and natural thing to do. For me its something to be avoided, which means avoiding her. She never has any understanding of this situation until someone turns the tables on her. Jeff being the most recent, and Stu just before that.

Some dreams last night: Maggie Lettvin is giving an exercise class on FH. I walk into a room and she is on the floor with several other women. A second dream has me, Simone, and Steve in a garage, an auto repair place, trying to fix a car. He wants her to go outside and smooch. He wants to get her away from me. I keep trying to fix the car and keep an eye on them at the same time. This merges into another dream about a car, with helicopter blades on top, slowly descending to the roof of a one story building across the street. It lands ok and begins to roll, very slowly, towards the edge. Why doesn't the pilot use the brake, I wonder. Its getting close to the edge. Its going to fall over. It does! It falls slowly. The nose of the car is squashed. The pilot is still inside and ok. Two others get out. The pilot is acting funny.

More funny stuff going on here. Dana thinks I'm trying to interfere with his and Simone's business, and trying to get Simone out of the house. It seems he thinks I'm doing things to get her to leave. That I'm acting strangely, but he doesn't say concretely how. Jack said this recently. But nobody says anything concrete. All vague reference and innuendo. Dana thinks Ann's coming over last night was some sort of complicated trick. Jeff thought the same. He thought Simone might end up sleeping with him if he played his cards right. But Ann only wanted to read the Globe help wanted ads. She'd spent the day at an interviewing seminar. She was enthusiastic about continuing her search for a job.

Simone has just returned. Dread sweeps over me. The urge to be elsewhere. Now its that I told her mother I was arguing with her tonight. You told my mother we were fighting tonight, when you've been at your class she accuses. But its only a question of semantics or time. Nothing to do with reality. So you want to fight tonight, she asks. How do these things start? I wonder. Then a false try at making up. It reminds me of an incident from her therapy weekend. Barb Levy and her have some tension between them. It originally came from the possibility of a relationship with Jerry, one of the trainers. They do not speak easily with each other, as in the beginning. Simone makes a contrived move, I want to hug you, she says, and is rebuffed.

Comments: Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

Click HERE to view the Premium Art Deadlines List.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]