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Thursday, November 14, 2013

Sunday, December 6, 1981

Liz, Ann's roommate is offended by my use of the word appointment. I called Ann one day to change a date to another night, but used the word appointment. She became a bit indignant and accused me of being rather impersonal and uncaring. She gave me a quick, short, self-righteous lecture - and then hung up in the middle of my first sentence in reply. She thinks me a bit strange, as does Peg House, but is intrigued. Her interpretation of my body language is that I'm telling her to stay away, don't touch me. This is the first woman, to my knowledge, to ever say such a thing about me. Most have just the opposite impression. And its true, I'd like to get my hands on most women. But she thinks I'm pushing her away. Peg thinks I look at women as though they are meat. Its true. Sometimes I feel nothing more than lust. Pure, unadulterated, simple, unbridled lust! On the other hand, there hasn't been a woman I haven't felt more for, given time to do so.

The latest gossip about Darby is that she in love with a new man. She's known him for two weeks and wants to get married. He is recently divorced. More trouble for Darby. Why don't people's friends speak up and tell them what they are doing? Simone went to visit Nancie a few days ago. She didn't want me to come along. Sexual troubles with Robert. He doesn't want to fuck. Seems he is getting fatter and doesn't want to be touched. Maybe something related to his being a father again. What a story about his ex-wife and their son. They have both taken vacations to be crazy.

Lotti asks me how I lie. For me its mostly a matter of holding my tongue. Simone does this by letting hers flap all the time. Dana does it by pretending he doesn't have one.

Simone has wanted me to agree to a trip to Wyoming to visit my family. One night I told her she was like a dog pissing on trees to mark its territory. And she is constantly trying to mark off little boundaries around me, as her property. This drove her crazy. She spent some two hours foaming at the mouth and verbally and physically assaulting me. Finally I just left. There was nothing else to do, except maybe stay and be assaulted. People are most disturbed when you say something to them that hits the mark.

Some dreams later that night, after the above mentioned fight. Hitting the beach with the Marines. But everything looks normal. Its just a beach with houses and people in them. The people don't notice anything. Us soldiers on the beach are afraid of being shot. We are very cautious. But nobody else notices anything. Another one where my prick kept falling off. I keep trying to glue it back on. But the flue won't dry. It just gets and stays a little sticky. I have to hold it on. In the dream, or right at the end, I wake up and am afraid it might just be true. Is it ok? Is it falling off?

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