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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Wednesday, October 7, 1981 - get what's coming

Carol has this thing about my writing. She spent yesterday with Gary. He just happened to be in her neighborhood and dropped in. I suppose Richard is going to write all about this, and have lots of interpretations and meanings for it, she says. He's probably going to be even more fanatical about seat belts, she adds, after Simone tells her about Nancy's bad car accident, from which she may be paralyzed for life. I will have to ask her what it is that provokes her so. She has gone so far as to correct some of my public writing. I remember putting something up at the art show last Spring. She added a correction to be placed beside it. She wanted everyone to know how something really happened. She has gotten mad at me for some other things I've written about her.

Sunday, a date with Judy. We are to go biking at 11am. I'm over an hour late. She's mad at me. We go out toward Lexington. The route I took with Adele about 10 years ago. We passed Habitat. Another incident with Adele. We were going to visit a friend of mine. He was doing something there. We were all set to go, but she became reluctant. It turned into a fight. She didn't want to go. I was going without her. Walking down the stairs when suddenly she throws a ceramic cup at me. It shatters and splashes all over the hallway. Am I pissed at this! Completely indignant. You fucking asshole, I yell, what kind of way is this to communicate something! It turns out she wanted me to stay and fuck. We did. It was very good. Later, she tells Sandy how much better it is after tension has been released through a fight. So, Judy and I return to Cambridge and have a late brunch on Huron Avenue. She has to go home and work. What do you want to do now, she asks academically. Well, I respond, my plans were to go home with you and try to seduce you. A smile from her. Nope, she's going to work. I go home.

Monday, one of the craziest days of the week. Nancy Anandi calls to say she has been badly hurt in a car accident. The baby, she's 6 months pregnant, doesn't seem to have a heartbeat anymore. She may be paralyzed for life, and badly scarred. But her husband is paying more attention to her. He had been going to New Jersey and seeing prostitutes for some time.

Ed, who's in my class at MIT, and in love with Simone, just happened to be in the neighborhood, and stopped by to visit her. I was right. He didn't tell his wife. He lied to Simone. He can't do. She's my anchor, he laments. I can't take a chance on her leaving me, he wails. Simone demonstrates how he's romantic with her. He holds her, looks at her eyes, and slobbers all them after saying, what wonderful eyes you have. Next comes her pelvis. Then the lips. Then the ears. Then the elbows. Or something like that. Simone won't be going to his place for breakfast on Tuesday morning. Simone told him I might be playing jokes with him the next time we meet in class. But last night I played it cool. He was a little nervous. His hands were shaking. I just gave him a lot of individual help. A little more than the others. I got back late from class. Simone thought that he and I got into a fight. She tells me how some are afraid to come here because they think I might do or say something. She says Michael won't come by with Constance because he's afraid of what I might say. I meant to say, after the note about the fight, that she is very paranoid. None of the things Michael imagines has ever happened. None of the other things people imagined have ever happened, as best I can recollect. It seems I am everybody's lightening rod. More Monday night - crazy with Simone and Linda. Linda gets pissed that I won't stay with her. Things are very bad for her. But I point out how she's managing them very well. She wants Nadine to move. But now she sees that she's been acting exactly like her father. She asks Sten to help them see the situation clearer. She stomps out. I am in bed with Simone. She wants to fuck. Nothing else will do. I've been impotent with her the last few days. She becomes aggressive and starts hurting my balls. I push her away. She gets insulted and stops out. She comes back and tries to force herself on me again. I just want to sleep. A long day. No desire for her. I get up and start to dress. She jumps up and starts hitting me. Tries to keep me from going. I force her to let go of me. She gets dressed fast and runs out ahead of me. I call Linda to see if she will let me stay with her. Yes, but I want to go to sleep soon, she firmly informs me. We get in bed. She immediately starts to seduce me. My impotence disappears. We fuck. She threatens suicide and mayhem if I don't. Linda is reading, apparently quite satisfied, and tells me to go to her. She needs you now, more than I do, she says. And honestly, it seems to me. Simone will come over, cause a scene, and ring the doorbell all night, if I don't return home. She calms down a little. Dana is there. He's with her. Will take care of her. Ok, she relents, but I want to stay with you tomorrow night. I agree. Linda and I talk about it. She becomes outraged. She attacks me. Tries to scratch and kick me in the balls. She's stronger than Simone and its hard for me to hold her back. She gives up. Its her father again. She knows it. A long cry. We cuddle. Start to play with each other. I masturbate her to a very strong orgasm. I'm horny again. Get her diaphragm. We fuck again. Three for her and two for me. We are exhausted. At last sleep. It must have been 3 or 4 in the morning. Eight am the phone rings. Its Simone telling me a customer is at the house. I leave and start the day.

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