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Monday, September 23, 2013

July 31, 1981 - conversation with Wencke

Dear Wencke:

I don't know exactly what happened on the phone the other day. We were disconnected somehow. I have received a second letter from you about your visit here next March. Yes, I will help you plan it. I will, from time to time, send you information about things as I arrange them. Two packages arrived here. One of them was broken open. Some of the brochures must have fallen out. Such things should be more securely wrapped, with fiberglass tape, to arrive here safely. Anyway, I will use them to introduce you to people. Also, it will be necessary to rewrite the article somewhat, if you want me to use it for publicity. Is that your intention? I will only make simple spelling and grammar corrections. Let me know if I should use this for publicity. Stewart Silverstone, who Otmar and Brooke will remember, visited me a few days ago. He lives in a group in the Washington DC area. He says that last summer a rumor about Otmar taking all the money and going to Argentina, cropped up in Washington. He has also told me that someone connected a Reichian/orgonomic publication is looking for someone to write about their experiences on FH. I will tell you more when I get the details. He still seems positive about the time he lives on FH and will most likely help arrange some things in the Washington area. He no longer lives with his wife Diane, but sees his children from time to time. Sten called his friend Connie here a few days ago and said he would be returning about August 17. It seems he has been leading Dieter Duhm's group and wants to move them to the United States. Some place in Colorado, was mentioned. He is always worried about a war breaking out, and running out of oil. He has made contact with many groups while traveling around the US. I will try to organize things with him. He will be going around the US for a couple of months on his return. Last night I dreamed about FH again. Two times, Bea was here in the first, and Toni and Theo and Lutzi, in the 2nd. As for someone coming here in September, I would like this very much, and a number of other people are interested also. They have talked with both me and Sten and read many of the things from FH. I have asked Sten to help lead some things but he has been reluctant. Maybe when he gets back from leading Dieter's group. But I would still like someone else, like Bea, whose travel and living expenses I would pay, and perhaps more. Can you send me an up-to-date list of all the groups? As for making an 8mm film of your performances, it can be done this way: make a video tape of several things you want to show. Play the tape on a television. Mount the camera directly in front of the TV and shoot the film from that, or project it onto a screen and shoot that. The only other alternative available now is to send a European video recorder and TV. Then the only thing to do would be to change the voltage from 220 to 110. Tell Otto I miss him and think of him often.


P.S. - send me some pictures suitable for printing on a postcard, like the enclosed, which I can use for a mass mailing for events, such as workshops, speaking engagements, marathons, etc.

Jeanette came by to visit me last night. I had not heard from her since the incident with Vinnie. She did not know exactly how far he went with me. She says he is nothing to worry about. Maybe not, but I don't want to have anything to do with someone who has to live by with making even threats. It is not possible to say what he might to if taken over by jealousy. I have told her to talk with him about it and call me in a day or two. She is not satisfied with the relationship, but it is the best she has had. They both talk about how constricting it feels but are also unable to break out of the tight quarters they have put themselves in. And when they do the circumstances of the infidelity never get talked about. She wants to visit a friend in California the last two weeks of August and has not told him. It seems as though she tells me more about herself than any of the people she has been with. But she obviously likes the idea of being able to break out of this trap of limiting oneself to just one person. I think, though, that she has mostly come around because she wants something from me. I had the impression that she was struggling somewhat to gloss over the last time we saw each other. It was very embarrassing for her. Vinnie was like a caged tiger. I remember especially how he did not like my saying how beautiful she looked that evening. I refrained from doing so again last evening. Who knows, she may have reported it to him. I think she is another of one those, like Dana and Simone, who idolize me. They don't want to admit it, but they are trapped by some quality they feel I possess, and that they lack. I am not sure just what it is but have been aware of this feeling in other people for some time. Its not so bad for me either. Its a good thing to feel so well liked in that way. That people look up to me and consider me to be somewhat of a model. It motivates me to do more about myself. She wants a job. Some money. I have told her to call back in a couple of days. We will talk about it then.

Michael was also over last night. He appeared as soon as Simone left for the laundry. It seems Constance was waiting in the car with him and did not want to face Simone. He stood only in our front hall, gave him something, talked with Simone for a moment, as she had just called, and left. He said little to me. I walked to the front of the house to say hello. Simone has seen him today. It seems that he is again mostly monogamous, but, from time to time, he may have to prove his sexuality, and act out some negative qualities in himself, and fuck with someone other than Constance. Simone, for instance, he gives as an example. It seems he will give Constance an opportunity to get over her jealousy as he expects to be able to invite Simone over when he wants to. I have told Simone she should invite him to come over here. This will give me a chance to deal with my jealousy. I do so need such an opportunity! That Constance is such a lucky person. He has been trying to push the cats onto Simone. He tells her to just take them and ignore me. He is trying what he can to drive a wedge between us. This guy is no fool when it comes to manipulating. She is starting to use the pressure from him as additional arguments against my not wanting them here. I have thought of what I might do to make things v-e-r-y uncomfortable for him if he continues this. It will make things very hot for him if I have to do anything. But I have nothing to follow it up with so those plans will have to wait on a contingency.

Simone has had one of her little diatribes against Linda. It followed an ad on TV. The ad was for feminine napkins. Linda does not use tampax, as does Simone. So she launches into a speech about how they are the most terrible things that anyone could ever imagine using. They are bulky and one always wondered as a teenager if the boys could tell if you were wearing one, etc. And later some comments about how she didn't want anyone sleeping on her sheets. After all, those were her bloodstains. She tells me Michael used old sheets from the time they were together when she visited him earlier this evening.

I am getting the impression that Michael is trying to unconsciously imitate me. He has made a couple of offers for Simone to do some work for him. He also seems to be trying to treat Constance, Simone, and jealousy, in a manner similar to what is going on here. He is trying to imitate Simone by starting his own business and teach courses at schools. But I am most pleased by his 'mostly monogamous' speech for Simone. Nothing flatters me more than having someone admit how well I see through them. He even wants to get rid of the cats. He doesn't want to live with them either! Such a warm feeling it gives me when someone takes up one of my ideas. But, dear reader, I must confess, at this point in my dialogue, that all is not as it seems. This was only written, or maybe not, for all the nosey little know nots who might, perchance, glance over these inadequate attempts to make the world around me just a little bit more lucid.

And now a little break from this turgid prose, and some poetry from, who do you suppose?

We sat across the table he said, cut off your hands. they are always poking at things they might touch me I said yes.

Food grew cold on the table he said, burn your body it is not clean and smells like sex it rubs my mind sore I said yes.

I love you, I said that's very nice he said I like to be loved that makes me happy Have you cut off your hands yet?

Written by, wouldn't you know it, the inimitable Simone, and her I've got the worst situation you, or anybody else, ever imagined, but, because I'm so fantastic, I can take anything anybody can dish out, mind you not that I have to, but someone else is responsible for my being in this position, blues!

This seems a little silly, ant time to move on to writing about something more serious.

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